Dr. Charles Stanley says the measure of a person is determined by the things about which he gets angry. In a sermon on anger, he offered 13 steps to take in correctly dealing with anger.
1. Confess your anger: denial blocks all efforts to gain peace and resolution, and it can cause anger to develop into bitterness and resentment which will dominate a person’s entire life.
2. Identify its nature and source: unspecified anger will target innocent people who simply remind the angry person of what they are really angry about. It is called transference of aggression.
3. Purpose to deal with the anger quickly: the Bible says not to let the sun go down on anger; justifying and harboring anger will only lead to its escalation. (Proverbs 30:33)
4. Do not sin: anger is normal; sin is the harmful way someone expresses it. Anger in defense of the things of God or another person is no sin; anger in defense of self can quickly lead to sin.
5. Season anger with compassion and patience: deal with the issue at hand and not the personality of the offender. (James 1:19-20)
6. Clarify and analyze the situation: ask questions of yourself. Is the other person frustrated? Is the other person insecure? Is the other person jealous? Is the other person fatigued? What might I have done to offend the other person?
7. Ventilate to God: tell it to God the way you feel like telling it to the other person. He is tough enough to take it and loving enough to understand. Get on your knees and unload the truck to God–don’t mince words–He already knows you are thinking it.
8. Put it away: Ephesians 4:31 tells us what to put off; Collosians 3:12 tells us what to put on.
9. Replace it with constructive mental and/or physical activity.
10. Determine the benefits: did it energize me to grow and prevent wrong responses?
11. Stay away from angry people: Proverbs 22:24 makes that warning a mandate.
12. Forgiveness: to deny my forgiveness from others blocks God’s forgiveness from me. (Matthew 6:14-15)
13. Reconciliation: Matthew 5:21-26 is Jesus’ admonition about anger and reconciliation.
Anger is a natural human reaction to being hurt or offended. Handling it in a spirit of love and mercy is a product of spiritual maturity.