Do Not Take Up Another’s Offense As Your Own

When I was a boy, I had many family members who simply did not like each other.  My problem was that I liked them all, no matter how they felt about each other.  But when two warring relatives learned that I refused to take sides with one against the other, they both ended up not liking me.

Being a people pleaser, that turned me into a liar and a hypocrite.  When I was with one, I would agree with him when he became critical of the other.  Then when I was with the other, I would agree with him about the first one.  I didn’t like doing that, but it gave me the illusion of peace.  I didn’t realize that I was letting their conflict hold me hostage and keeping me from being at peace within myself.

That deceitful hypocrisy followed me well into adulthood.  Then I went to a Christian seminar where the speaker taught a lesson which basically said it was sinful to take up someone else’s offense against another person as if it were my own.  And I began to realize that anyone who tries to manipulate me into joining them in their conflict with another was abusing me and sinning against the Lord.

The proper way to handle conflicts which other people have against each other was modeled by our Lord and described in Luke 12:13-14.  “And someone in the crowd said to Him, ‘Teacher, tell my brother to divide the family inheritance with me.’  But He (Jesus) said to him, ‘Man, who appointed me a judge or arbiter over you?'”  In other words, Jesus refused to take up the offense of one brother against another.

That one person I care for doesn’t like another person I care for is not my problem.  My only concern is to do my best to remain at peace with all people, no matter whether they can get along well with each other or not.  Jesus said in Matthew 5:9, “Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.”  I cannot fulfill that when I allow myself to be drawn into others’ squabbles with each other.

About kainosktisis

I am a sinner saved by the grace of Jesus Christ, and my life's greatest ambition is to follow Him for the rest of my life.
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11 Responses to Do Not Take Up Another’s Offense As Your Own

  1. bkwilless says:

    Bro I think it is half right. If someone wants to complain to me about another I tell him I will help you to seek to reconcile but I will not take your side. I will take the side of fairness, mercy and faith. go talk to them and if he will NOT hear you then come get me I will be a witness. But if you are wrong I will tell that other person in both front of both of you that you are wrong.

    We do not take on another offense, but we do not participate in offenses. if a brother it rude, we are not to eat with him so that he will be ashamed and repent, but to not treat him as an enemy. buy him a lunch but don’t eat lunch with him.

    Recently I had to do this and the person claimed I was judging him. I said “Do I have the right to decide who I will marry?” therefore don’t I have the right to decide i will not enable you? that I will not participate in your sin.

    Now the next time I see the guy I will ask “Did you go talk to them?” and if the answer is no I will say “well give me a call after you go” For I will not enable one to bear a grudge.

  2. goroyboy says:

    Marries well with Matthew 18. Sigh May God grant me the wisdom to discern what is my battle and glorify God in the process

  3. Sometimes being a peacemaker means listening to both, agreeing with one, and working to help the other see where they have made a mistake. Look at the biblical steps to conflict resolution within the church. It calls us to take up the offense of others. If we see someone being wronged by another in the church, are we to sit on the sidelines and watch?

    • ptl2010 says:

      To love, by which all men shall know we are his disciples, we should pray for one another so that what seems an injustice can be corrected in His time. We ask for wisdom to help if we are the chosen channel of God’s blessing for resolution and if we are not the one, perhaps the pastor or an elder can help. Then we pray for them to help. Prayer works wonders. It helps the pray-er, the prayed for and the one in need. The Lord reigns and is in control. Amen.

  4. MTJames says:

    Well said–as far as it goes. I was looking for a passage in Proverbs about taking up another’s offense, but can’t seem to find it. Any help there?

  5. mtsweat says:

    Marvelous advice. These words are especially meaningful during a current situation. Thanks friend and God bless.

  6. ptl2010 says:

    1 Thessalonians 4:11 “And that you study to be quiet, and to do your own business, and to work with your own hands, as we commanded you” tells us to mind our own business and it would include another’s offense against another. I agree I should not step into another’s business unless I have wisdom and discernment from the Lord when I am called to be an intercessor or a go between to clarify and get things right i.e. to be a peacemaker. I should not be expected to dislike a person just because he or she has wronged my relative or friend or any other party when he has done nothing wrong to me.

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