I saw you.
I haven’t a clue whether what I saw was a glimpse given to me by you yourself, or a construct of my own from all the imagery and art I’ve seen – but it doesn’t matter. One moment it wasn’t in my head and the next it was, in all its detail.
I saw you.
You were sitting on your throne. I couldn’t properly see because the light was so bright, so dazzling, but I knew it was you, and I was on my knees.
Your throne was huge. Vast and endless. From behind and around it flowed the train of your robe just like this:
‘...I saw the Lord, high and exalted, seated on a throne; and the train of his robe filled the temple.’
Your robe flowed like a river flowing over stones. It rippled and moved all around me and off in all directions. It was a deep, deep red, a King’s robe made of velvet or something. Rich and luxurious and constantly moving; a living thing.
Looking up, (I was so tiny in this picture) I could see your hands on the arms of your throne. Relaxed fingers curving over the arms, short nails and callouses. A proper man’s hands. When you lifted them in an open gesture of peace and welcome, I could see the scars on the paler skin of your palms.
The light was coming from all around you and I could not make out your face. You were not silhouetted, even though the light was behind you – it was streaming from you. White light, dazzlingly bright, with refracted beams of all colours. I could feel the warmth coming as if I was bathed in sunlight, and as you moved the rays of sunlight danced, making patterns on the rippling robe all around me almost like sunlight through water.
I could not see your face, but I could make out your shape. I caught glimpses of a crown of glistening white metal with jewels of all colours, but no detail. You were seated on your throne and your glory was all-encompassing. I wanted to fall on my face but I could not take my eyes from you. Indeed, your proximity rocked me back on my heels. I opened my arms wide and knelt, watching. Absorbing.
And then I realised that there was so much more than an outline. I saw pictures in the light at about chest height – it was as if I was seeing your heart. I wish I was an artist and could draw what I saw, because I’m not sure that words are enough. I wish I could make a film with CGI and special effects, because it was constantly shifting.
I saw a rapidly changing picture. The different scenes flashed past so fast that they were almost subliminal and so describing what I saw is difficult.
There was an endless sea with the sound of crashing waves. I saw a million starts in a night sky, a sunrise, a desert with twisting sand-dunes, a jungle with brightly coloured exotic birds. I saw forks of lightning in a dark, threatening sky, with great claps of thunder, a roaring lion, an eagle soaring, a huge oak tree, a single red rose.
I saw a couple kissing, a field of corn, a newborn baby crying, a rainbow over rolling hills. There was a little girl in a red dress twirling underneath a shower of apple blossom. I saw waterfalls and towering cliffs and a dandelion clock, heard birds singing, the sound of wind in a silver birch. Icebergs calving, starlings swirling, leaping flames, drops of dew, rapid cloud formations and shoals of fish in the depths of the ocean.
It went on and on. It was awe-inspiring, frightening, welcoming, wonderful. I was delighted and unnerved. You drew me in, showing me your immense power, consummate gentleness, your creativity and strength.
You were all-consuming. Endless and boundless.
There was a sense of life. Hard to pin down – but it was vivid; a living scene. You were giving me a glimpse of who you were; your very nature.
I thought I was the only one there, but I realised that I was in a vast, immeasurable space with countless other people all gathered round you. I was on the front row, and yet there were thousands in front of me and all around. All eyes were fixed on you. Some people were smiling, others with tears streaming down their faces, others eyes closed, basking in the warmth radiating from you.
I felt a flood of emotions. Awe, hope, fear, delight, joy, excitement, peace – but most of all I felt at home.
I could stay there forever.