Teens Blog SF29 Are You Looking To Be Validated?

Are You Looking To Be Validated

Validation means acceptance, affirmation, recognition, approval, and support. For many of you, being validated is also a means of being loved.

These are words that every one of you want to hear. Yes, hear from friends, co-workers, and especially loved ones and family.

But what if you don’t hear those words, feel them, see them and gain them? Then what do you do?

For many teenagers, getting validation is what makes you feel whole, good, secure, important and loved.

The problem however, is when you don’t receive that validation, it sets the course to finding other ways in pursuing that validation.

So what are the areas that teens would like validation?

– Outward appearance (clothing style)
– Body type (does my body look good)
– Intelligence (academics)
– Self-esteem (feeling good about oneself)
– Beauty (handsome or pretty)
– Seen as good by parents
– Seen as best friend above other friends
– Sports – best athlete
– Through Social media

What are the ways that teens try to achieve that validation?

– Buy the latest styles or follow the trends of the famous
– Dress more provocatively or more mature to appear older
– Be a higher achiever at any cost
– Be a risk taker to prove your tough or not fearful
– Post unlimited selfies at every chance
– Over compensate to parents and friends
– Do anything for a friend, even if it is wrong
– Win at any cost to attain approval
– Join every social site your friends are a part of
– Lower your standards and morals
– Go along with what everybody else does
– Lie to make things sound better
– Steal so you can have the same things as others
– Strip or have sex to gain your boyfriend/girlfriend’s love
– Be involved in an addictive behavior such as drinking and drugs

The sad thing is this; you will never feel healed, satisfied, whole, or even happy if you try to find validation through the world and on your own. You will always come up short and constantly trying new things to improve your life no matter how far it will take you from God.

God is the only true Validator. You see, He validated you before you were even born. He created you for Himself. He knows you better than anyone else.

Psalm 139:1-4, 14-16
You have searched me, Lord,
and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue
you, Lord, know it completely.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.

When I was a teenager, I was always corrected at the dinner table for my grammar. Every time I said something, I was told that I wasn’t speaking it correctly. It got to the point that I stopped talking because I started to feel that I was born dumb or stupid. As I got older, other feelings started to creep in and destroying my self-esteem.

I was teased because I was so thin that people would ask others behind my back if I had an eating disorder. I thought I was ugly, couldn’t make friends, and was told by an older guy that I had issues just so he could have control over me and abuse me. I fell into those traps because I was always seeking someone else’s validation instead of God’s.

I wanted so badly to be accepted, to see the good in me, to get support when I needed help, and to feel loved and not rejected. If I had recognized early on of God’s infinite love and how important I was to Him, it would have changed my life dramatically for the better no matter who accepted me or not.

The only way for you to feel and get that validation is to see your worth through God’s eyes. I know that can be hard through our fleshly eyes, but if you only ask Him, He will reveal it to you.

God’s love can wipe away any feelings of unacceptance, rejection, and unimportance. He knows more than anyone else because He walked this earth in flesh through Jesus. Even today, He is still rejected by millions, seen as unimportant and not accepted. Yet, He continually loves each and every one, not needing anyone’s validation.

What most of you struggle with, is that the validation problem is within yourself and not perceived by others in the same way. Did you know that teens who have attempted suicide had a strong sense of a wrongly perceived validation by their parents? But because of their hurts and pains and guilt, they assumed that everyone looked at them as they saw themselves, including their parents. Sadly, they were very mistaken.

You can be assured however, that God sees you with such love, mercy and grace, beyond what you could ever imagine. The path that you are walking on to try to achieve validation by the world will only end up with disappointment, lost hope, and disaster.

If you keep your eyes only on the one who created you, you will never have to worry about being validated because He knew you before you were even born, how you are today, and what you will be like tomorrow. He still loves you. He still is calling out to you.

So, I leave you with this. Let Him love you right where you are at, imperfect, with failures, mistakes, and even in sin. Just go to Him and seek His forgiveness, run to Him in freedom and accept what He has for you which is way better than what the world has to offer.

And as to my mother who corrected me at the dinner table in which I felt humiliated….I found out that she did it because she was made fun of by the way she talked and didn’t want others to make fun of me. I took what she did all wrong. She did love me. I just didn’t communicate with her how I felt. If I had, my need to be validated by her would never have been sought.

About Stacy Lee Flury

I am foremost a mom who loves to write. My passion is writing a support blog for parents of troubled and hurting teens at HopeForTheBrokenFamily.com. When I'm not writing, I am sharing my life with my family, our beloved furry friends and spending times in fellowship with close friends.
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3 Responses to Teens Blog SF29 Are You Looking To Be Validated?

  1. So very true! Thank you for that insight and word.

  2. ptl2010 says:

    Stacy, When I read your blog on the hunger for validation, I was reminded that Jesus Christ on the cross of Calvary asked ” My God, my God, why has thou forsaken me? .” Matthew 27:46 He spoke as from a man to his God, not as Son of God to Father God. Was he looking for validation that his sacrifice for the sins of man, was accepted by God? He knew that when he bore all the sin of the world God had to turn His face from the Son of Man.
    Then we read Ephesians 1: 18 I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened, so that you will know what is the hope of His calling, what are the riches of the glory of His inheritance in the saints, 19 and what is the surpassing greatness of His power toward us who believe. These are in accordance with the working of the strength of His might 20 which He brought about in Christ, when He raised Him from the dead and seated Him at His right hand in the heavenly places,…- was that the ultimate validation for Jesus Christ the Son of Man?

    If Jesus needed validation as a man so do we. Like Him we need to be validated by God. As God was there for our Savior, so He is for us through Jesus Christ.. Praise God. And The Lord does validate our worth when His Holy Spirit comes to reside in us when we accept Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior. Praise The Lord that is the ultimate validation of our worth in Jesus Christ. A

  3. Pingback: Teens Blog SF29 Are You Looking To Be Validated? | Fertiileground's Blog

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