It seems most evenings and mornings, indeed and frequent middle of the nights, I am awakening with whispering. 

Silent groans. Unspoken prayers. Worries for the time. Anxieties for this world. Just not sleeping well. 

I have noticed for the past many many months it isn’t unusual for me to awake to praying in my own heart and mind. 

And this morning started the same way. Worry. Worn down. Whispers of dread. 

But God. 

I was reminded of this in today’s morning reading – which spoke of waiting on God…and a reminder to “never lose heart…”

“[Jesus] spoke a parable to them, that men always ought to pray and not lose heart.” Luke 18:1 

The question is – do I believe this? Remembering when Jesus asked Martha this same thing, their brother Lazarus was dying – and Martha and Mary sent word to Jesus, (John 11:1-6) to come.

“Now a certain man was ill, Lazarus of Bethany, the village of Mary and her sister Martha. It was Mary who anointed the Lord with ointment and wiped his feet with her hair, whose brother Lazarus was ill.
The sisters sent to him, saying, “Lord, he whom you love is ill.”
But when Jesus heard it he said, “This illness does not lead to death. It is for the glory of God, so that the Son of God may be glorified through it.” 

Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. So, when he heard that Lazarus was ill, he stayed two days longer in the place where he was.”

Really Jesus? You waited to come? I thought you loved this family. Yet. He waited. For two more days. Lazarus died. Mary and Martha lost their brother. As women in first century Palestine, they also lost their social protection and provision. But as we will learn – they didn’t lose hope. 

And here is the aha moment. 

How often have I prayed, and it seems like He does not answer? But if I am to revisit my past and present do I not know – have I not seen – His great answers and provisions fall into place? 

I am old enough to look across the landscape of my personal and family history to see His hands all over my life. Nope. He didn’t always answer the way I wanted. But He always provided in the way it was best. 

And even when God is willing to remain silent and aloof for a time in all our lives – is it not in order to bring a greater victory later?

So back to Lazarus and his sisters. We know the rest of the story. In the sorrow. In the death. In the naysaying a greater response was given. The resurrection of a dead man. For all to see. For the glory of God and though eventually Lazarus died for good on this earth – the lesson here is myriad.

And so it is there that I am reminded and resolved.

Yes. I can wait. Yes. I will not lose heart. Yes. I will trust Jesus. Even when I awake in the middle of sleep with whispers in my head, a storm raging in my heart or even one outside my bedroom window.

When things look impossible – nothing is impossible with God. 

When man thinks he knows the end game – God reminds us how puny our perceptions are.

When we hold on tightly to what we think ought to be – we close the proverbial tomb of our own expectations to other possibilities. 

So in the 21st century we may not see news reports of dead men walking – but how many times have you counted a personal resurrection in your own life?Health restored. A saved marriage. A long awaited birth. An errant child come home. A new job better than the one you lost…. A missed car accident, a surprise windfall.

All good things come from Heaven. But God allows silence. And sorrow and restless nights. And tears. So that we learn to see past the storms and into His answers.

“Martha said to Jesus, ‘Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.’” 

Martha was hurting. And a bit accusational. But there’s also faith: “I still believe in Your power to heal, even though You didn’t.”

She continued: “‘But even now I know that whatever you ask from God, God will give you.’

“Jesus said to her, ‘Your brother will rise again.’” Jesus knew His plan. But she didn’t. 

And that same reasoning applies to all of us. Everyday. And in every incident. So no. I will not lose heart. Life is short. Truly. Why not choose to live it in expectation of God’s good and perfect plan for you. After all. Jesus does love you. 

And that’s enough to help me silence the midnight whispers and wait on Jesus.