2 Corinthians 4:17-18 For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

First. A confession. My last two posts about cancer were presented as anonymous. So coming clean. I am writing about my experience. Not a friend.

I guess it took me awhile to wrap my head around it – to process it – I do that by writing- but I was not ready to personalize it yet.

So I will say it out loud. I am a cancer patient.

But more important. #IAmNotAfraid.

Through this 5-week process thus far I have always – and I mean always – had a supernatural peace about my situation.

Isaiah 26:3 says, “You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you.”

In John 14:27 Jesus advises, “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

The Apostle Paul reminds us in Philippians 4:5-7 “The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

This peace is not of me. And yet it carries me fully.

Two days ago I awoke with a song in my head. I had suffered a miserable night and arose very early to get in the bathtub which is my panacea for the chemo and radiation side effects.

And as I literally drowned my pain in the tub – I heard the song again in my head. A doxology. A song I had not sung since I was a child. A song by a denomination I had long left behind. And truly. The words were forgotten to me and yet I heard the whisper from Him. And I remembered.

Praise God from whom all blessings flow
Praise Him all creatures here below
Praise Him above ye heavenly hosts
Praise Father Son and Holy Ghost

And so I sang it. Once. Twice. Three times. And as tears ran down my face I was overwhelmed with a long list of praises to God as He is surely touching the hearts of many on my behalf.

So Thankful.

For my husband who is my strength. My heart. And a tireless caregiver.

For my children – whom though live very far away continue to be very present in this journey.

For very supportive extended family and friends.

For excellent, kind doctors and staff.

For an amazing compound pharmacy (pharmacist) who is brilliant in finding creative ways to alleviate pain.

For employment.

For a patient and considerate manager.

For health insurance.

For kindness and favor afforded me from strangers.

For a hair stylist who took one look at my mounds of disappearing hair and “fixed” it so I could feel pretty again.

For my sweet neighbor who cooks fresh broth and pastina and walks my dog.

For a new friend who helped me manage my chemo mouth sores (who knew the power of buttermilk?)

For sisters and nieces and sisters of the heart who research things that relieve my symptoms and send me care packages.

For a brother who checks in on me daily even though he is in the middle of his own crisis.

For friends who send prayer cards. And fuzzy blankets. And soft slippers. And funny jokes. And who pray for me and enlist the prayers of churches and perfect strangers to do the same.

For guys in the gym who come alongside my husband as a friend and sounding board for him. For brothers and brothers in laws who do the same…

For each day. Because as I said – God’s presence is felt every second of this journey and He allows me to have a positive – will win attitude. I can even be thankful for this illness. Because it has pointed me to the TRUTHS of life. Love people passionately. Appreciate the light from the moon. The laughter of the neighbour kids who live behind me. Hold lightly onto the things of this world – because they are passing and don’t matter. Taste each and every day. And live it well. Not waiting to die – but planning to LIVE! Jesus told the apostles – I have come so that they (you me us) may have life.

In abundance.

And so back to doxology.

I Praise God. Because in the blessings that flow and the momentary troubles that arise, He is with me in the shadows of death and in the green pastures.

And that my loves, is why I AM NOT AFRAID.

Amen and Amen